A Blue Cow and Some Blown Fish

Blue Cow

Blue Cow

 

One of the most vivid memories of my childhood is of a long road trip I did with my family when I was around 9 or 10 years old. Our car was a very hip station wagon with a rear seat that faced backwards, and my twin brother and I were given the “reward” of sitting in the back during the long journey. Unfortunately, I don’t remember where we were going on this trip. This probably has something to do with only seeing the backs of the road signs.

At dinnertime on the 2nd day of driving, I was anxious to get some good grub into my tiny little body. My dad pulled into a Long John Silvers after being persuaded by everyone in the car. You see, we had never been to been to a fast food fish chain before, and the outside advertising lured us in with menu items like the “Kid’s Treasure Meal”. Oh yeah, this was a place that dreams were made of. We all got out of the car and stumbled inside and were pleased by this fast fish food freakish fantasy. My sister, brother and I all ordered the kid’s treasure meal. I don’t recall what my parents ordered because we were all very excited about the bountiful fare before us. When the counter person gave us our meals, she also gave us 3 gold coins to put into Long John’s treasure chest. Oh glory be mateys! We scurried over to the chest to see what surprises were in store for us. I was the tallest of the three, so I was the last. I’m not sure how that was fair, but that’s how it was. My sister plunked in her coin and received a small perfume bottle. I can’t begin to describe the grin on her face. My brother was next, and pulled out a replica of the liberty bell…crack and all. Now it was my turn. The treasure waiting for me happened to be a tiny plastic blue cow. Utter sadness (I could have used a pun there, but that would have been too easy).

A blue cow? How is that representing? How is that keepin’ it real? Damn those fishermen!

We all hopped back into the station wagon to enjoy our dinners at 55mph. My dinner consisted of 4 or 5 fish sticks and a hush puppy. While my brother and sister were reenacting the cracking of the bell and a perfume parlor, I was busy burying my cow inside the hard casing of the hush puppy. I did eat the fish though. Mmmm good. I was doing fine for about the first 40 miles or so. But it was that incessant chant of “perfume bottle, liberty bell, and a blue cow!” that turned the tables and my stomach on that wonderful trip. I remember getting really dizzy and sweaty right before I lurched forward to expel my bits-o-fish. The spew spuds filled the entire back seat and were flowing like a waterfall down the window handle. Drip, drip, drip. That car stank for the rest of our trip. I think my dad sold that car soon after.

After all these years (I’m 39 now), I remember the ultimate suffering, I remember humiliation, and I remember that damn blue cow. I’ve never been back to Long John Silver’s since that fateful trip…most likely never will.

1 comment to A Blue Cow and Some Blown Fish

  • Oh man, Kurt, this is a very funny story! That really sucks you got a stupid blue cow, and then threw up all over the car! I totally don’t blame you for never eating there again, as I know I wouldn’t!

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