The Positive Side Of Being Single
kurtboyer June 15th, 2006
I’m single. I live alone. I pee in the shower, and I know you do too.
Here’s how it usually goes down. I’ll wake up to my alarm in the morning and quickly use the toilet. And I sit for this experience. You just never know what’s gonna surprise you. Plus, I can then continue to close my eyes and pretend I’m peeing in my dreams. Since I’ve been single, this process has progressively lengthened. I’m not sure why, but I always think “there might just be a little more.” And I guess there usually is, but is the extra time really worth it? Hell yes it is.
Then it’s on to shower time … my favorite time of the day. I don’t live in a house with a well anymore and my apartment complex has yet to charge me for water usage ( shhh… ) so this is a time for me to relax, instead of rushing things. And relax I do. Inevitably, the hot water releases some sort of switch in me that opens up a “reserve line” of pee. Now, technically at this point I GUESS that I could hold it in. But why? I’m single damnit.
I’ve perfected the technique over the last few months. At first, I’d start peeing right away and it didn’t matter where it ended up. But, after a while I found that I really didn’t enjoy smelling my surprise reserve line. Not incredibly pleasant. So now if I get “the feeling”, I quickly throw the shampoo in my hair which naturally acts as a smell eliminator. And it’s on to the festivities.
A lot of ladies ask me if I can dance. I’ve got absolutely no rhythm, but when I’m peeing in the shower, I’ve got some pretty damn good moves I tell ya. It’s like being in a disco. Although, I’ve heard that if you pee on your feet, it can prevent or heal athlete’s foot. I’ve never had that … hmmm … maybe that’s why?
Oh, ladies? Yeah. I know you do it too. I just wonder what your “dance” looks like. :)