Pretend I’ve Got Fish Cooking
kurtboyer May 26th, 2007
I bought an X-Box for my daughters Annika and Emma a few years ago. When I was living with them full-time, we played that thing into the ground. I’d come home from work and we’d look at each other, look at the X-Box and say “Lets do this.“
We’d play Halo, ATV vs. MX, Doom and any shoot em’ up game we could get our hot little hands on … the more violent, the better. “Girl games” were not an option and were rarely discussed. We’d scoff at things like Barbie’s Horse Adventure, Nickelodeon Party Blast, and The Bible Game.
“Daddy, I can’t believe that people play Barbie games on the X-Box.“
“True dat. Now reload and meet me over by the barricade. Enemy forces are approaching.“
Things are different these days. I see my daughters every other weekend and it’s rare that I get any significant playtime with them. So I was pretty excited when they brought their X-Box to my apartment this weekend. I hooked it up for them, grabbed the games out of their night bag and took a look at what they decided to bring. Right on top was Star Wars Battlefront, which intrigued me, but underneath that was Barbie’s Horse Adventure. Oh my god.
“Girls? Why did you bring a Barbie game?“
“We like saving the baby horses and Barbie has a cell phone.“
“Does Barbie have a gun?“
“No Daddy, it’s not that kind of game.”
Sweet Jesus, it was more terrifying than I thought. So I grabbed the Star Wars game, put that in and told them that Daddy would really enjoy blowing up some enemies on the dark side.
At the start of the game, it was just like I had remembered. We were all fighting our way through the enemy lines. Evil forces were falling and all was good in the universe, but then an unnerving series of events unfolded. Annika and Emma split off and left me alone to fend off the attack.
“What are you guys doing? I’m dying here girls!“
“We’re going to our houses.“
“Excuse me?“
They each took their characters to separate locations and found secret hiding places well away from the real action of the game. Annika chose a cave equipped with only one way out or in (not a good battle location let me tell you). Emma found a wooden tree fort that had many windows with good views of the lake. And there they sat while I eventually succumbed to the onslaught of evil.
“Do you like my place Daddy? I’ve got a rock that I use for my stove and if I lay down, it’s like I’m sleeping on a bed.“
“Annika, your friends are dying on the battlefield. Can’t we concentrate on the task at hand?“
“Daddy, can you see the lake from here? I can hop out of my window right into the lake and then jump back into my home!“
I got up off the couch and decided that I’d make us some dinner. Tonight, I would make a pork loin because there is nothing more delicious than a mesquite marinated pork product. The girls moved their characters around and around in their “homes” and kept talking about all the lovely amenities and the plans they had to renovate the ones that weren’t adequate.
My little tomboys are changing. They’re turning into little ladies and it scares the hell out of me. I’m still learning how to do their hair up all fancy and I’d like to learn to sew better so I can teach them. But, sometimes I wish the three of us were in the backwoods sharpening our knives and making rabbit traps instead of wondering who was calling Barbie on her cell phone.
As I write this, Emma just died in a huge rocket attack on her fort/home. Seconds before her death, her last words to Annika were “Pretend I’ve got fish cooking.“
If you haven’t taken the time to view Sam Saboura’s website, do so now. He is by far the nicest guy I have ever met and he is brutally honest…which I admire. Here is a link to his video section. I know it’ll give you a smile.